My Humor is College Approved – Redux

Since we’ve been slow getting out of the gates this morning, Tom has given me permission to pimp some non B&S shiznit here on the front page. Specifically, my second (count it: second) published piece on College Humor: Things I’ve Learned from Rap Songs Over the Last Decade.

(Excerpt:

If it becomes unseasonably warm in a particular area, one should remove all of his or her attire.

Shawn Carter, personally, faces fewer than 100 challenges; however, an irritating woman certainly isn’t among them.

Also, check out the 20 comments at the bottom. They made my day — especially Stacie’s.)

Now, the keen-eyed among you will notice that the piece is listed as being published on March 29, 2011, so why, you’re probably not wondering, has it taken me four months to brag about it? No reason, really — other than the fact that I just found out about it today.

Believe me, I’m just as irked as you are.

Maybe College Humor simply gets so many submissions that they don’t have the bandwidth to tell you when they’ve accepted a piece and when it’s going to be published (this strikes me as unlikely considering how quickly they inform you of a rejection, but what do I know?), or maybe their policy is, hey, you submitted to us, so it’s up to you to check the site every day to find out if you’ve merited front-page publication or not.

Whatever the case, when I first submitted the idea back in January, I did, indeed, log in every day to check out its status. Since each of my previously rejected essays had been deemed unworthy within 24 hours of submission, and since even my lone success — “A Note from My High School English Teacher to My Parents Regarding My Letter to Penthouse” — was given the thumbs up less than three weeks after submission, my hopes began to rise after the one-day mark came and went. However, after the one month mark came, and as my follow-up emails to the general inquiry box continued to go unanswered, my daily log-ins became more sporadic, until finally I ceased checking completely around the time Brutish&Short debuted and wedding planning began consuming my very existence.

Fast forward to today when a broken hyperlink on my old blog prompted me to visit College Humor again to find a replacement image. On a self-interested whim, I logged in to see if “A Note from…” had garnered anymore “likes” or comments since the last time I’d seen it and, instead, was floored (well, chaired) to discover that “…Rap Songs…” had actually been published months ago without my knowledge.

Anyway, obviously I’m happy about the exposure and résumé-buffing street cred; I just wish I’d known earlier. Guess I’ll be crying all the way to the bank though. (I mean, what’s a Facebook “like” worth these days? A couple bucks at least, right? So 1,071 x, say, $2.37…holy crap, I’m rich! See you bitches at Barneys!)