…awww, shit. You mean this thing was last night?! I thought we all agreed years ago to start broadcasting this boring-ass programming on Monday mornings.
Thanks for keeping me in the loop, Tom.
…awww, shit. You mean this thing was last night?! I thought we all agreed years ago to start broadcasting this boring-ass programming on Monday mornings.
Thanks for keeping me in the loop, Tom.
If you, like me, currently find the world a particularly depressing place to be, and you also just generally hate Mondays, and you need something to get excited about, and you also really fucking hate Glee, may I suggest watching The Sing Off? (I apologize for the presence of Nick Lachey, but I promise this show is so goddamn good, you barely notice him). You probably haven’t heard of The Sing Off — an acappella singing group competition — because some dumb assholes at NBC decided to run it opposite Dancing With the Stars on Monday nights. This show brings me pure joy, which, dear Christ, I can really use these days. I haven’t felt this obsessive about a show since I was fourteen and Dawson’s Creek was in full swing. The show started with 16 groups, and they’re now down to the top four, but really only two of the groups matter: Afro Blue from Howard University, and Pentatonix from Arlington, Texas. Just crazy good, these two:
You will also notice, following these performances, that the judges on this show are actually legit singers/musicians — Ben Folds, Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men, and Sara Bareilles, unlike, say, drunken choreographers that can’t sing, snooty British egomaniacs with no musical talent, and a woman more famous for her arse than her voice. Also, the judges are the ones who decide who goes home until the very last episode of this show — SUCH a vast improvement over letting 12-year-old girls vote for that cheese dick Scotty McCreery week after week. We all know the American public cannot be trusted to vote (properly).
There are a million wonderful things about this show, but what really stands out for me is the incredible teamwork involved — everyone works so well together and all the while they look like they’re having THE MOST FUN THAT HAS EVER BEEN HAD IN ALL THE WORLD. Plus, some of these groups have so much musical talent and come up with such original arrangements, I just have to hoot and yell at my TV and literally jump up and clap at the end. You should know by now that I’m not the kind of person who jumps up and claps at the TV unless there is some kind of gruesome hockey play in progress.
So spend your Monday checking out these fine-looking, super-talented young folks just killing it:
Speaking of Michael Cera, MTV has the pants-wettingly exciting announcement today that “The Arrested Development movie is finally happening.”
Yeah, I know. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. But
No, seriously. After years of rumors, denials, hedging, backtracking and wishful thinking, series co-creator and executive producer Mitchell Hurwitz confirmed over the weekend that not only are the seriously, hilariously, unapologetically dysfunctional Bluth clan headed to the multiplex, but they will get tuned up for their movie debut by making a short trip back to TV.
Speaking on Sunday at theNew Yorker Festival, Hurwitz broke the news, with”Development” actor Jason Bateman confirming it a few hours later on his Twitter feed. “It’s true. We will do 10 episodes and the movie. Probably shoot them all together next summer for a release in early ’13. VERY excited!”
Let the Final Countdown begin!
He doesn’t have a shot in hell, which is too bad, but listening to him on The Daily Show last night gives me hope that perhaps there are still a few Republicans out there who haven’t been completely hijacked by the lunatic Right.
While I’m unnecessarily pimping Comedy Central, here’s an interview with T-Paw on Colbert. Why the hell is it that candidates become so much more likable once they’re no longer candidates? (That’s a rhetorical question, by the way. The answer is: “Everything sucks and I hate you.”)
Quotes, quips, and factoids from the recent NYT profile of one of my all-time favorite actors and six-time winner of the “Actual British Person Most Likely to Be Mistaken for an American Award,” Hugh Laurie:
Community really is good. The paintball episodes, for example (both of them season finales, and both of them spectacularly awesome), are simply masterful television. Here’s the first half of this year’s season finale (other half easily accessible on YouTube with search terms “community paintball”). The dude at Slate in the link says that the one re-airing tonight is the hot cheese, though. Whatever. I haven’t got anything special going on, so I might as well check his math. Long story short, watch the show! Or read the article! Or do neither and click “Play” on the video below! Or click the little “X” on the tab that this website is on to close it! Who cares?!
I could care less. But this is good tv.

Holy shit.
They may not have Keaton’s timing or style, Chaplin’s rhythm or wit, or Chan’s sheer athleticism, but watching the clips below, it’s tough to deny that their testicles must be the size of many small countries.
(Also, their choreographed set pieces are pretty flippin’ fantastic).
Alligator Tightrope:
Knoxville vs. Yak:
Parachute-less Plane Jump:
And perhaps the awesomest of them all,
Big Red Rocket:
The Consumerist has a hilariously creepy (or perhaps creepily hilarious?) post this week about the original Ronald McDonald, who appears to have been modeled after the original leatherface, Edward Gein.
I highly encourage you to read the article and watch all three frisson-inducing adverts there, but by way of an appetizer, please enjoy this first ever television spot featuring obvious sociopath/pederast, Ronald McDonald.
In case you missed any of the disturbing subtext, please draw your attention to my [annotated] transcript below:
Narrator: Introducing the world’s newest, silliest, hamburger-eatingest clown, Ronald McDonald! Now where is that clown? [Probably off molesting children.] Oh Ronald! Ronald! Ronald! Hey, Ronald!
Ronald McDonald: Here I am, kids! [It wasn't the kids who were looking for you, but whatever.] Hey, isn’t watching TV fun? Especially when you’ve got delicious McDonald’s hamburgers. [Christ, this dude's the Typhoid Mary of our current obesity epidemic.]
N: Ronald, you can’t be on TV and watch it at the same time. Now come on and meet the boys and girls. [The Narrator must be his pimp -- or at least his enabling, look-the-other-way pope.]
RMcD: Oh, we’ve already met. [I'll bet you have.] I know we’re gonna be friends, too, because I like to do everything boys and girls like to do. [Which would be fine, if you were — you know — a BOY OR GIRL, and not a grown-ass man in a clown costume.] Especially when it comes to eating those delicious McDonald’s hamburgers. My magic tray here keeps me well supplied. McDonald’s hamburgers, French fries, and milkshake. Watch for me on TV. We’ll have lots of fun! [I shudder at the possibilities.]
Singer: He’s Ronald McDonald, the hamburger happy clown. A McDonald’s drive-in restaurant is his favorite place in town. [Next to an unsupervised playground, that is.]
Thank goodness they finally adopted this perfectly normal-looking spokes-harlequin instead!

On being underwhelmed:
Right. So I’ve been thinking about this for a month now, trying to figure why I’ve been so disappointed in the farewell season, and I’ve come to the same conclusion as pretty much everyone else: Oprah is a big ol’ contradiction — good and bad, truthful and hypocritical, angelically open and devilishly shrewd. This is the sum total of the Oprah Show — and oh my, does it ever provoke contradictory feelings in me. The finale still made me tear up multiple times despite the skeptical distance I tried to maintain — I was a convert for 48 minutes.
Her final show consisted entirely of her talking to the audience — a near hour-long monologue thanking them, talking about her own growth, their growth, and their role in her life. She preached to us about how to live better, how to know better (one of her favorite lines from Maya Angelou: “When you know better, you do better”), how to find your true calling and the rewards it all brings. She preached about God, or as she put it, “I’m talking about the same one you’re talking about. The Alpha and Omega. The Omniscience, the Omnipresent, the Ultimate Consciousness, the Source, the Force, the All of Everything There Is, the one and only G-O-D.” She preached about her conception under a tree in Mississippi, which was kind of creepy and a little too messianic for my liking. All in all though, it was a fitting, moving, and gracious ending. And yet, still, I’m unsatisfied.
What is wrong with me that I’m expecting so much from this one woman?