Animals Archive

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At least your pet has never been infested with THESE

When my wife discovered what she thought was a flea in our living room a few months back, we reached immediately for our 19-lb Maine coon cat in order to subject him to the sort of intensive examination that I can’t imagine is legal outside of a prison or airport holding room. Finding nothing, we dropped to our hands and knees and spent the next 20 minutes crawling around on the carpet searching for potential brethren. Still finding nothing but needing something a bit more conclusive to combat our newly kindled paranoia, we turned to The Science — examining the darkly colored speck through a thrift-store magnifying glass while comparing it to pictures of fleas on Google images like some sort of entymological Hercule Poirot and Captain Hastings. After another 10 minutes spent arguing over whether this or that formation was an appendage, an antenna, or merely a smudge on the glass, we were finally able to feel reasonably secure in our diagnosis of non-fleadom for the tiny creature(?) and thus were not forced to sell our house the next day and/or burn it to the ground.

That said, after reading today’s SlashGear’s article on a related topic, I can heartily confirm that I will gladly live with the taxonomical uncertainty inherent to the miniscule stature of our modern flea families if it means never again having to deal with their inch-long ancestors:

Scientists have discovered fossils of several large fleas measuring about inch-long that are thought to have fed on feathered dinosaurs back in the Jurassic period. The fossils of the giant fleas were unearthed at two separate sites in China. The largest female fleas discovered measured 20.6 mm making them about 0.81-inch long.

Not actual size...but I'd still have to pluck my pet Tyrannosaur if he ever tried ducking through the dino door with these on him.

On the other hand, flea circuses would be a lot more entertaining if they featured these blood-sucking stars, so I guess you have to take the good with the bad.

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Mine one for the Flipper

Remember the last time you read a discouraging, uninspiring account of dolphin behavior? Of course not — because dolphins are effing awesome.

To wit, this recent article in the Atlantic Wire detailing how our fine flippered friends will help us, ahem, undermine any attempts by Mahmoud Ahmadinglewad to close the Strait of Hormuz in response to perceived U.S. provocation:

 Iran could block the strait with any assortment of mines, armed speed boats or anti-ship cruise missiles but according to Michael Connell at the Center for Naval Analysis, “The immediate issue [for the U.S. military] is to get the mines.” To solve that problem, the Navy has a solution that isn’t heavily-advertised but has a time-tested success rate: mine-detecting dolphins.

[...]

The invasion of Iraq was the last time the minesweeping capability of dolphins was widely-touted. “Dolphins – - which possess sonar so keen they can discern a quarter from a dime when blindfolded and spot a 3-inch metal sphere from 370 feet away — are invaluable minesweepers,” reportedThe San Francisco Chronicle. In 2010, the Seattle Times reported that the Navy has 80 bottlenose dolphins in the San Diego Bay alone. They are taught to hunt for mines and drop acoustic transponders nearby. The photo above shows a dolphin with a tracking device attached to its fin. According to a report in 2003, the dolphins only detect the mines. Destroying them is left up to the Navy’s human divers.

Oh dolphins, is there anything you can’t do? (Oh, crap, guess there isDamn you, Cape Cod. How can an area with such delicious potato products also generate such dolphin devastation!)

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A Dog Walks into a Soccer Match

One rule: you have to watch the whole thing.

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Not quite the worst thing ever: zoological edition

In an incredibly bizarre and depressing story out of Zanesville, Ohio yesterday, Reuters is reporting that

Dozens of exotic animals including tigers, lions and bears were let loose on Ohio farmland by their owner before he committed suicide, sparking a shoot-to-kill hunt in which 49 of the wild beasts, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed.

The whole thing is terribly sad, and I’m sure that many of the more extreme PETA-philes would have preferred that officers let come what may, but any reasonable person attempting to parse an alternative solution to the sudden appearance of 50 dangerous predators in a populated area is going to have a tough go of it.

Tranqs seem like the obvious solution, but

The sheriff said they tried to shoot some of the animals with tranquilizer guns but encountered problems.

“We just had a huge tiger, an adult tiger that must’ve weighed 300 pounds that was very aggressive,” Lutz said. “We got a tranquilizer in it and this thing just went crazy.”

Barbara Wolfe, a veterinarian, said she shot a tranquilizer dart into the tiger, but it got up and charged her from 15 feet away. A deputy shot the tiger dead.

“I’ve never been in fear of my life more than then,” Wolfe said. She works at The Wilds, a refuge not far away from Zanesville that keeps exotic animals like rhinos and giraffes.

What would you do if you feared directly for your life and had a firearm by your side? Just a shitty situation all around.

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Because sometimes we post short animal videos

This was all over ESPN yesterday, and for good reason:

 
I guess the dude’s lucky it wasn’t a rhinoceros?

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The Tortoise and the Hairpiece

Your daily dose of animal adorableness:

"A 4-day-old African spurred tortoise, one of eight babies, sunbathed on its mother's head in the animal park in Nyiregyhaza, Hungary. "

Question: are baby tortoises really talented-enough climbers to be able to summit a peak as ornery as their mother’s head? ‘Cause I don’t think momma plunked the little nipper up there herself, but looking at the tortoise tyke’s chubby, inflexible appendages, I’m almost more inclined to believe that he was placed there by human hands for photo op purposes. Then again, I’m a Spanish/Philosophy (though not Spanish philosophy) major, so I encourage anyone with more knowledge of reptile biology and/or culture to weigh in. And since that would be pretty much anyone, I must be talking to YOU.

(via)

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This is what crocodiles are like

Brutus the monster croc

Adelaide Now (from August so if you’ve seen it already and you’re mad, you need to get some real problems):

The 5.5m giant shocked and delighted a boatload of tourists when he surged out of the Adelaide River, 100km south of Darwin, this week.

[snip]

The huge crocodile is a favourite with tourists on the Adelaide River Jumping Croc Cruises because he loves his meal of buffalo meat and always puts on a good show for it.

5.5m is approximately 18 feet.

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What a croc

Happened across this story the other day featuring the following photo cum caption:

In this photo taken Sunday, Sept. 4, 2011, Mayor Cox Elorde of Bunawan township, Agusan del Sur Province, pretends to measure a huge crocodile which was captured by residents and crocodile farm staff along a creek in Bunawan late Saturday in southern Philippines. Elorde said Monday that dozens of villagers and experts ensnared the 21-foot (6.4-meter) male crocodile along a creek in his township after a three-week hunt. It was one of the largest crocodiles to be captured alive in the Philippines in recent years. (AP Photo)

Obviously the image is impressive enough — some serious Lake Placid shit — but after re-reading the caption, I was struck by something. This is a 21-foot long crocodile. That’s two stories, snout to tail, so it would certainly make sense to craft a sentence that included the phrase “the largest” somewhere in your article. However, preceding those two words are another two: “one of” — as in “one of the largest,” not the largest.

Well, okay, still, “one of the largest” — that’s pretty impressive, right? Sure, normally, but you gotta keep parsing, because this isn’t one of the largest crocodiles ever. It’s merely one of the largest crocodiles to be captured alive in the Philippines in recent years.

When the discovery of a one-ton, 21-foot dinosaurian relic is peppered with such weak sauce modifiers, you’ve gotta ask yourself: what the hell else is out there???

Oh, and by the way: crocodiles eat sharks for breakfast.

(And, apparently, lunch.)

Update by Ben: Wikipedia’s a bit more confident/bold:

The largest crocodile ever caught alive might be a massive estuarine crocodile (Crocodylus porosus) weighing 1,075 kilograms (2,370 lb) with 6.4 metres (21 ft) long. Caught in the Mindanao Island, Philippines in September 2011. Based on existing records the largest crocodile had been captured alive previously was 5.48 metres (18.0 ft) long.[17]

I think poor AP was a combination of lazy and terrified of fact-checkers.

(FYI: According to the same article, largest ever found dead or alive might have been 23 feet, though that’s just an estimate based on skull size.)

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This is why you shouldn’t eat alligators whole

Let’s face it, we’ve all been there. Long day at work, wife starts haranguing you, and all you wanna do is pull up a chair at your favorite all-you-can-eat alligator buffet. And then BOOM! You bust a gut like Mr. Creosote after that last vafer-thin mint.

Sad, but predictable.

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Who says dinosaurs don’t still roam the earth?

(via)

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