baseball Archive

2

Debased-ball

Everything else being equal, if I told you that the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets were all involved in series sweeps this weekend and gave you seven guesses out of eight possible combinations as to which teams did what, there’s a good chance that you still wouldn’t choose the outcome that saw the Mets win their opening series and the Sox and Yanks lose theirs in consistently horrendous ways.

History, apparently, has gotten into the moonshine.

(Pretty funny headline from Boston Dirt Dogs this morning, too:

0

Sportz iz stupidz

Here’s a ridiculous idea: let’s give a 32-year-old athlete more than $200 million for a ten year contract.

“But Albert Pujols the best player in baseball!” you whine.

Doesn’t matter. If he hasn’t peaked already, he’s nearly guaranteed to within the next few years, which means you’d be paying him stud money at $20 mil a year for the worst years of his career for the majority of his contract, stealing money from future prospects in the long term in order to capitalize on his admittedly unsurpassed skills in the short term. Idiotic. Check the actuarial tables: 99% of athletes — even namby-pamby baseball players — start to decline after their mid-30s. (Pulled that out of my ass, but it’s probably close. I’ll look it up when work stops kicking said ass.)

Plus, this should have the Marlins scared shitless:

Pujols, who turns 32 in January, has led the Cardinals to two World Series titles, including this season. He has a career batting average of .328 with 445 home run and a 1.037 OPS. He was below his career norms last season but still batted .299 with 37 home runs and 99 RBI.

I’ll remphasize: Pujols wasn’t just below his career norms last season; he was waaaay below.

  • .299 average in 2011 vs .328. career
  • 99 ribbies vs. 137
  • 37 taters vs. 42
  • 105 runs vs. 123
  • .366 OBP vs. .420

Could he bounce back? Absolutely, and he probably will, but if you think he’s going to play at his career average over the next decade, you’re not paying attention to how life works.

0

Steroids might have been a thing

Remember 10 years ago when Barry Bonds set a new major league record for home runs in a season with 73?

Guess how many the major league leader had this year? If you said 60, you obviously don’t follow baseball anymore. If you said 50, you at least have a general knowledge about how things have been trending recently. If you said 45, you’d be very close — but still wrong. That’s because Jose Bautista led the major leagues this year with 43 home runs.

Think about that: 43 home runs. That’s a 41 percent decline from the all-time high recorded a mere decade ago. You have to go back to Matt Williams in 1994 for the last time someone hit 43 or fewer homers while still leading the majors — and that was a strike-shortened season. By way of comparison, in the 18-year span dating from 1976-1993, league leaders topped 43 home runs a mere dozen times, while the feat was accomplished more than double that amount — 27 times, in fact — from 1994-2011. (If you’d care to check my math…)

And now, because I have no ending for this pseudo-rant, a picture of my Halloween costume from two years ago:

Alex Roid-driguez

4

Red Sox? More like Red SUX! amirite???

My heart can’t really take delving into this subject too deeply at the moment, but can I just say that when you go to sleep with your team up by a run in the seventh AND your wild card competition down by seven runs in the seventh, only the most reptilian-hearted cynic would expect anything worse than the need for a one game “play-in” the next day?

On the plus side, I can now proudly state that in the last eight years, my baseball team has achieved not only the most historic comeback in baseball history, but also the most historic collapse. (Literally: no team in the history of baseball has ever blown a nine game lead in September.)

On the minus side, I can never wear my Adrian Gonzalez t-shirt again after he was quoted as saying

God has a plan. And it wasn’t God’s plan for us to be in the playoffs.

He didn’t mean nothin’ by it, George.

0

Joey Gathright leaves parking lot, returns to baseball

Good news, sports fans. According to Peter Abraham over at the Globe,

The Red Sox have signed Joey Gathright, who was playing with the independent Yuma Scorpions, and assigned him to Pawtucket. Yuma manager Jose Canseco had the news on his Twitter feed and the Red Sox have confirmed it. [Editor's note: Who the hell woulda thought that Jose Canseco would ever be the manager of anything other than an underground cockfighting league?]

Gathright, 30, played 17 games for the Red Sox in 2009 after being obtained from Baltimore Aug. 29 and was on the playoff roster a pinch runner. The same could be true this year.

Gathright hasn’t been in the majors since 2009. He has 80 career steals.

In addition to those 80 career steals, Gathright’s career numbers over parts of six seasons are as follows:

H

2B

3B

HR

RBI

SB

CS

BB

SO

BA

OBP

SLG

309

30

7

1

96

80

29

96

212

.263

.327

.303

So given Joltin’ Joe’s more than modest career stats, why the hell am I writing about this signing? Because Gathright can jump over a car.

 
Now if we can just get someone to drive a sedan onto the field during a game, we’ll see what he can do!

0

Zack Burgess also thinks the Barry Bonds trial is a waste of time. And he’s a black sports reporter.

Last week I offered up a short late-night rant about the absurd excesses of the government’s unceasing efforts to bring Barry Bonds to justice for the incalculable wrongs he has wrought against society. This week, writing for the Root, Zack Burgess agrees with me — though he does so much more eloquently, the jerk:

No one should lie under oath, but this is ridiculous. The prosecution’s star witnesses: a mistress, a former business partner and a boyhood friend who refuses to testify. I’m sure the federal government has issues far more pressing than to spend a few million dollars to imprison Bonds.

[...]

Last year, while visiting a colleague in New Jersey, I drove through neighborhoods of multimillion-dollar homes owned by financial executives who had crashed our economy and scooped up nice bonuses in the bargain. These guys were mowing their lawns and playing catch with their kids. I find that far more offensive than anything Bonds could ever say or do. And as a taxpayer, I would much rather see my money spent punishing their misdeeds. When I look at my wallet, Bonds didn’t make it thinner. These guys did.

The deeper question is, with two wars (at least), an economy in flux and a plethora of domestic issues, why doesn’t the government just walk away and save taxpayers millions? Someone once said to me, “The best sign of maturity is the ability to walk away from the deal.” The damage has been done. Despite his greatness, Bonds’ character is in ruins. It could not have happened to a (not so) nicer guy.

(If you read the article, you’ll see that Mr. Burgess better cause than most to call for both Bonds’ head and his shrunken testicles, so the fact that even he can see the reason in ditching this farce of a trial is strong testimony in favor of its absurdity.)