Topic: FOREIGN POLICY
I am going to regret this.
7:59 PM: Wolf Blitzer is lying to his audience on CNN.com. He’s saying that it hasn’t gone live yet, but it has. GOTCHA!
8:02 PM: This is a fucking joke. CNN takes its cues from, like, Survivor or some shit. Each candidate has his name read with inspiring music in the background, a little back story. (Oh, but they didn’t give back story for Huntsman or Santorum. Scandal!)
8:04 PM: Wolf Blitzer – “TWEET THIS SHIT, FACEBOOK THIS SHIT, GET THE WORD OUT, YO, THIS DEBATE’S GONNA BE ILL!”
8:06 PM: We do the national anthem before debates in this country. That’s how you know our candidates are serious.
8:09 PM: Rick Perry – “I’m married, btw. I know we’re talking about national security, but hey I’m asking for your vote.”
8:10 PM: Mitt Romney – “Yeah, I’m campaigning in the general already.”
8:11 PM: Herman Cain – “Yeah, something!”
8:11 PM: Newt Gingrich and Michele Bachmann – “My relatives were veterans, Happy Thanksgiving, peace, love, and rock and roll.”
8:12 PM: Why’s everyone talking about wives? Anyway, Huntsman’s going to trounce in this debate if he ever gets a question.
8:13 PM: Wolf Blitzer just called Ed Meese “honorable.”
8:13 PM: Ed Meese proceeds to ask leading question about how wonderful the Patriot Act is. Question goes to Newt Gingrich, who brings up “nuclear weapon” scenario in defending Patriot Act. “WE’LL BE IN DANGER FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!” Quote. Jesus. Strengthen the Patriot Act? Jesus. “Ive spent years studying this stuff”??? Jesus. Newt Gingrich is a clown.
8:16 PM: Ron Paul gets applause, not votes.
8:17 PM: Bachmann is with the American people AND the Constitution, okay? Let’s not forget that, people!
8:18 PM: Bachmann – “Today we deal with wireless functions.” “The underwear bomber.” “We don’t give Miranda warnings to terrorists.” Applause.
8:20 PM: Perry wants to privatize the TSA to get rid of the unions. Yes.
8:22 PM: Perry calls Obama’s intelligence-gathering a failure, forgets that Obama, you know, got bin Laden.
8:23 PM: Santorum just said that Abe Lincoln ran all over civil rights? PLZ TELL ME I DID NOT HEAR THAT RIGHT. “Obviously Muslims would be someone you’d look at.” NO, I HEARD IT RIGHT, AND IT JUST GOT APPLAUSE.
8:25 PM: Let’s get our Muslim-bashing on with Herman Cain.
8:31 PM: “Pakistan as a nation is kind of like, too nuclear to fail.” – Michele Bachmann, the 21st Century’s incidental Mark Twain.
8:35 PM: Romney asserts that introducing Suharto to the Indonesians led them toward “modernity” and that we should do the same with Pakistan. Holy fucking shit, what a nutter.
8:38 PM: “We’ve already thrown a bunch of money down the hole that is the the Afghan war, might as well throw some more.” – Mitt Romney
8:41 PM: “We’re gonna kill people in your country whether you want us to or not.” -Newt Gingrich. Applause.
8:42 PM: I don’t even know what Rick Santorum is talking about. One thing’s for sure, though, Al Qaeda will be on our shores shortly.
8:45 PM: Went to the bathroom, came back. CNN apparently cannot persuade an advertiser to spend good money on the intermission.
8:47 PM: That was an awkward moment.
8:49 PM: How are we going to help Israel wage war on Iran, guys?
8:50 PM: And Ron Paul sinks his candidacy by rambling about Israel. Gets applause anyway. Paultards. *shakes head*
8:51 PM: Cain assures us that he knows that Iran is mountainous.
8:52 PM: I can’t believe I live in a country where this is the opposition party. Furthermore, I can’t believe it’s the most powerful country in the world.
8:53 PM: Why does Wolf Blitzer give Newt Gingrich deference with his, “I know you studied this”-es? Does Newt Gingrich take care of his dog during the week, or something? #justwondering
8:55 PM: You just want to throttle these people. What the fuck are you talking about the president has been steadfastly against energy independence? You dumbshits don’t even believe in science? Jesus gives us all we need. And holy fuck did Michele Bachmann get all Biblical right there.
8:56 PM: AND NOW, TO PROMOTE A VOICE THAT’S NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE… PAUL WOLFOWITZ!
9:00 PM: The answer to the question, btw, is, “FUCK YES WE CAN AFFORD FOREIGN AID, IT’S A RAINDROP IN THE OCEAN THAT IS OUR BUDGET AND IT HELPS PEOPLE,” not, “I’m not sure we can afford it, because our troops and our military,” or Ron Paul freaking out.
9:02 PM: Romney isn’t good on foreign policy, huh?
9:03 PM: Newt Gingrich – “DRILL, BABY, DRILL!!!!” Applause, of course. The crowd is Heritage Foundation and AEI people.
9:09 PM: Rick Perry’s been the Commander-in-Chief of the 20+ thousand National Guardsmen of Texas, y’all.
9:11 PM: If I could shoot myself in the face and wake up tomorrow and be fine — like, if that were a real possibility and there was no pain or anything — I would do that right now.
9:13 PM: And… the guy asking the question doesn’t know the difference between a deficit and a debt. Or, deliberately confuses them in the question knowing that no one will call him on it. Hmm.
9:15 PM: Strangely, in the context of balancing the budget, Republicans never mention revenues. Neither do moderators. It’s all cuts, never, “Hey, guys, we’re Congress, let’s just raise taxes on rich people and everything will be all hunky-dory!” Wolf Blitzer is hosting some pretty shameful shit. Maybe this is why nobody takes his network seriously?
9:24 PM: The Iranians run the Mexican drug cartels, Rick Perry? Wha??
9:25 PM: Ron Paul shows his true colors. End the war on drugs, and cancel the welfare state. This is your candidate, Paultards.
9:29 PM: More nonsense from Rick Santorum. Yawn.
9:33 PM: ILLEGALS! GAHHH!
9:34 PM: Isn’t illegal immigration a domestic issue anyway, guys? Can we not beat up on Mexicans just once in our national discourse? Just once? PLZZZ?
9:37 PM: Still on illegal immigrants. Newt Gingrich basically says that if you’ve gamed the system for 25 years, you’re cool to be here. If you’re a more recent illegal immigrant, we deport you. “Right guys?”
9:40 PM: We’re taking another break, apparently. I was hoping this would be over soon.
9:44 PM: Oh, wow. They gave David Addington a question, too. Cool!
9:46 PM: Rick Perry doesn’t seem to understand that there’s a revolution going on right now in Syria. At least, he didn’t mention it.
9:48 PM: Huntsman is auditioning for 2016.
9:50 PM: If this shit isn’t over in 10 minutes, well… I am.
9:51 PM: “Economy so strong! Military so strong! Very nice!” – Mitt Romney
9:54 PM: Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’ve spent two hours watching this shit.
9:56 PM: Something about Latin America being responsible for 9/11? I don’t know, I guess it’s time to “modernize” them or something.
9:57 PM: My God, these people are insane.
9:58 PM: That’s all. You’re welcome. You’ll excuse me if I turn off the post-game recap, won’t you?